Wondering

Lately, when we do bible study, or fellow ship with church. I just don't understand. I am pretty mature, in the word (bible). It seems that my mind is too tired to understand. Since we have started school, and the new baby's due date just a week away. The tension is winding. I just feel tired out. Not in flesh, but spirit. I am just wondering, what some things mean in scripture. After one of those sessions, where my spirit is tired, I just do something else. This is God testing us. I'm just wondering. Not wondering away, but wondering what the things mean. As I sigh, I feel weight. Weight on my heart. I want to learn more. Learn more about the things I don't understand, and even the things I do. It's confusing. God use me, use this time. I find myself just praising the Lord with song. That's just an easy thing to do that still praises him. If you know me, you know that I love to sing. We believe God has given me this gift. I want to praise him with this gift. He shows me songs, that encourage me, worship him. Just at the right time. I'm just wondering, am I really following him? Am I really willing to give up everything for him? Will I spend my time with him, instead of other things? I want to do better. I want to be able to drop everything, and follow him. All the doubts, all the worries, all the stuff, everything. I'm just wondering. Make me better God. I want to learn from you, more. No matter how tired my flesh is. Make me strong God. I want to follow you. I am just wondering about you,
just wondering...